While it is okay to be cognizant of new friends entering your partner’s life, questioning them every second about their activities or actions is way too much. To prevent unnecessary questioning, you will want to create a deeper bond of trust. Otherwise, it may only be a matter of time before your insecurities will destroy your relationship. It is time for your relationship to sprout into something more sustainable for longevity.Here are 9 signs you have trust issues and your relationship needs a growth spurt:
1. You keep tabs on him on social media.
You secretly maintain a record of your partner’s post, likes, who they follow and unfollow. You word vomit on each one of their posts and also fiercely mark your territory.
It is as if you are the master of your partner, while they abide by your rules of who they can and cannot be friends with. The minute your partner meets a new friend of the opposite sex, you immediately debrief how they know each other.
2. You pick fights for attention.
You are falling short on how to receive positive admiration from your partner. The minute you feel the slightest distance creep up between the two of you, you create a dramatic scenario to see if your partner cares about you. Constantly playing the victim is the name of your game. This makes your partner feel he needs to validate you on a regular basis to keep things amicable.
Eventually, this game will grow tiresome on your partner. The endless bickering is emotionally draining taking the fun out of your relationship. Your partner is not responsible to give you the security you crave. That is an inside job you will need to develop with self-love positive affirmations. Working on your self-worth and self-love will do wonders in receiving the positive attention you desire from your partner.
3. You play control games.
Your messages and calls receive no replies for hours on end. It frustrates the hell out of you, putting you in a bad mood. You do not understand how come your partner continues to ignore you, as you have asked them repeatedly to not disrespect your values of open communication.
Six hours go by and you finally see a message pop-up on your screen with their name. And, at this point, you are upset because your partner has been stonewalling you. So, you decide not to respond by treating him the same way he is treating you. It becomes a vicious cycle until one of you decides to cave in and end the stone cold war.
With communication being the lifeline of your relationship, it appears you might be headed for splitsville. If the communication channels do not reach a mature level, then getting your needs met will be a challenge.
4. You constantly check his phone.
You check your partner’s incoming and outgoing calls as well as text messages to see who they are talking to every day. The minute their phone vibrates you ask, “Who is that?”
You have become a drill sergeant wanting to know about every conversation they have and what is it is in regards to. It has become apparent you do not trust or have respect for your partner.
Trust is everything in a relationship. It takes time to build and only seconds to lose it. When you have your partner’s trust, it is important to value it. So unless your partner is acting in a manner that breaks your trust, giving them their privacy is the respectful thing to do.
5. You stay in contact all day.
Constant contact with your partner can often lead to enmeshment. This is an unhealthy dependency where you rely on your partner to fulfill all of your needs. When enmeshment occurs, it can often lead to a lack of healthy lifestyle functioning.
Healthy relationships need space to flourish and grow. Spending too much time together does not allow for you and your partner to meet your individual needs outside of the relationship. When your personal health suffers, then so will the connection you share.
6. You bring a third party.
You and your partner have a mutual friend you rely on for support outside of your relationship. When discord erupts, you both run to your mutual friend expressing your side of the story. You and your partner rely on your friend to take sides, choosing who is right or wrong. It is the only way to resolve the fight, as you both cannot seem to work through it alone.
Bringing in a third party to resolve you and your partner’s discord is known as triangulation. You both refuse to speak to one another about the discord, thus you rely on an outside source to do the talking for you. When this occurs, this keeps you from developing healthy conflict resolution skills.
To work on having a healthy relationship and resolve your differences, working as a unified team will be the best thing for you. If you cannot reach a resolution, it will be best to hire a relationship coach who can teach you constructive communication skills.
7. You keep an ex on the back burner.
Your relationship is as stable a boat with a hole in the bottom of it. At any given moment you may have to jump overboard. You break up and get back together every other week due to petty fights. As much as you want to be with your partner, you do not feel the relationship gives you the security you desire.
So, you keep your ex on speed dial for empathy when things head south.
Keeping your ex in your life to deal with your current relationship troubles will prevent you from fully embracing your new relationship. Knowing you have a way out at any given time, does not force you to own up to your actions and work through things maturely.
When you have nothing but the two of you to face your issues, then it forces you to work through what is really going on beneath the surface. Getting to the root of the problem will be key to moving forward without the help of relying on your ex who’s only a band-aid.
8. You engage in text message wars.
Facing your partner when sh*t hits the fan is beyond terrifying for you. You run from conflict faster than a cheetah. When it comes to working through it, having a face-to-face conversation is out of the question.
So you hide behind a screen and engage in text message wars. You send excessive long-winded messages expressing your concerns, yet nothing seems to get resolved. In fact, it usually exacerbates the situation leading to more misunderstanding than you started with.
The best way to resolve issues with your partner is to calmly address them face-to-face. This allows for further understanding of the issue, minimizes confusion, and often makes it easier to come to a resolution. And if the conversation becomes emotionally elevated, then take a ten-minute break to recenter.
After the break, regroup as a couple and understand you are in it together and need to actively listen to each other to find a resolution.
9. You focus on the “me” and not “we”.
You only care about me, myself, and I. As long as you get what you need and want in the relationship that is all that matters. You consistently put your needs before your relationship. And, you do not even care that your relationship is beginning to suffer. Your selfish ways are starting to be too much to handle.
It seems you have not figured out that a relationship consists of two individuals working together for a greater sum of the two. If your relationship’s needs are not being met and you refuse to compromise, then prepare for your partner to find someone who is more willing to put “we” before “me”.
If you are currently experiencing relationship hiccups, then we recommend setting aside some time to communicate your concerns with your partner. You also may want to take some time to reflect on your own behaviors and how you may be contributing to the immaturity of the relationship dynamic.
A relationship professional can assist in working through what is healthiest for the relationship to survive before it is too late.